Thursday, June 26, 2014

A Few Extra Tools...


by Teresa Gunter, MA, LPC


         I was recently at a weekend get together and overheard a grandma recounting how terribly behaved her grandchildren were. She babysits twice a week while both parents work.  She is a part-time primary care giver and one of the most loving people I know.  I could hear the frustration in her voice as she went on and on about how disrespectful, defiant and sneaky they were.  They never did what she asked, argued with her, and fought with her and each other.  My heart went out to her as I overheard the conversation from the other room.  Without missing a beat, my husband jumped into the conversation and contradicted everything she said.  I heard my husband say, “They never fight around us.  They always do whatever we ask.  We never have any problems with them.”  My heart broke as I heard her sputter and try to defend her experience. 

            What I knew was that they were both right.  I could see first hand how the kids could be argumentative, disrespectful and defiant.  As children struggle for control, these are the natural by products.  It’s not that they’re bad kids; they are normal kids who are exercising control in undesirable ways.
        
             I could remember the last time we babysat with them like it was yesterday.  I gave the kids a 5-minute warning that it would be time to clean up and go to bed.  The oldest (about 7 years old) looked at me as if to say, “You can’t make me.”  I didn’t respond.  To respond would be to begin a power struggle.  I gave the one-minute warning and again I received the look, but this time his sister joined him.  Finally, I let the kids know it was time to put toys away and head upstairs to get ready for bed.  I received even more defiant looks with grins of confidence.  They had been through this routine before. 
        
        In my earlier days, I would have begun to sweat with panic.  What am I going to do if they don’t clean up?  Being challenged by kids was a common part of my early teaching experience and my efforts lacked grace.  The contents of my tool bag were sparse and contained, repeated requests, threats of consequences, rewards for correct behavior (I admit to bribing, not my proudest moments) and finally losing my temper and yelling (also, not my finest moments).  To my surprise, these skills failed more often than they worked and I was left feeling frustrated, angry, and often embarrassed when others witnessed my skill set and my ineffectiveness. 

            As I looked at the kids and their grins of defiance, I did not worry this time.  Instead, I grinned back at them.  I knew something they didn’t know.  I had filled my toolbox with all kinds of tools, proven winners, if you will, for handling unwanted behaviors.  I actually looked forward to the challenge.  My favorite tool is: What you notice, you increase.  It’s a way to praise a child and also works to encourage desired behavior.  As a natural part of play, someone would pick up a toy.  I would notice the action and connect it to the desired outcome.  I would say something like this: “I saw someone pick up a toy and move toward the toy box.” I would say this with a big smile on my face and just the right amount of excitement.  Again and again I would notice tiny actions toward the desired goal.  Within 5 minutes all children were scrambling to clean up the mess so they could be recognized. Though this is one of my favorite tools, it is not always appropriate.  I use between 5-10 skills each night my husband and I babysit. 

            My favorite part of knowing these skills is that I like how I feel when I respond now.  I don’t know if you are like me, but each night, I think over the events of the day and my responses to them.  Did I like my response?  Was it effective? What can I do better next time?  I used to lie in bed at night agonizing over my frustrating attempts to control the responses of the children I taught.   Now I know I can only control my response to them.  It’s amazing.  This shift feels miraculous, but it is simply the result of learning a little extra information.

            If you would like to increase your child response tool bag, check out the Parent Talk classes offered by my dad and me at 737 Dunn Road.  The Parent Talk System was developed by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller and is successfully used by parents (and babysitters) throughout the world.  Teachers across the country use these very skills in their classrooms every day.  As a babysitter and educator, I can tell you they really work. 



Thursday, June 19, 2014

A Beginning Look Into Essential Oils

as shared by Ann Walsh, CranioSacral Therapy Practitioner




Welcome!



This is the first in a series of messages where you will learn about therapeutic grade essential oils and their benefits in supporting your physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. The goal of each message is to share educational information with you.  

Let's begin.....

Essential Oils are aromatic liquids. They are distilled from flowers, trees, roots, bushes, and seeds
of plants. The distillation process is what makes essential oils so concentrated. It often requires an
entire plant or more to produce a single drop of distilled essential oil. For example, it takes thousands
of flower petals to create the drops that are in a single bottle of rose oil, and adding just one drop of
peppermint oil to a glass of water has approximately the same concentration as 20 bags of tea.
The practice of using essential oils is commonly referred to as aromatherapy and is used for physical
and psychological well-being.

Essential Oils have a millennium-long history of use in healing and in religious ceremony throughout
the ancient world. Some, particularly frankincense, are repeatedly cited in many Judeo-Christian and
Muslim religious texts. Others, such as myrrh, lotus, and sandalwood oils were widely used in ancient
Egyptian purification and embalming rituals. Still others, such as clove and lemon, were highly valued
as antiseptics hundreds of years before the discovery of modern antiseptics. In ancient times, oils were
respected for both medicinal and their healing properties.

Mankind's First Medicine

Essential Oils are often referred to as "Mankind's First Medicine." In fact, there are over 200 references to
aromatics, incense, and ointments throughout the Old and New Testaments of the Bible (36 of the 39 books of the Old Testament and 10 of the 27 books of the New Testament mention essential oils or the plants that produce them.)

Here is the personal testimony of a Holistic Medical Professional, who understands the power of Essential Oils.

"These essential oils truly represent the new frontier of medicine." --- Terry Friedmann, M.D., Co-founder of
American Holistic Medical Association.

Please contact me for additional information.

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Humor is a Key Component of Balanced Living

By
Patricia A. Adams, B.J., M.Ed., LPC

Life is full of surprises good and bad. Even when we are asked to list our traits the negative usually outweigh the positive. Why do we let the negative aspects of our lives rule our choices and decisions? Somehow we give more power to the dark side of life. We tend to obsess about things we have no control over or let our family or neighbor ruin a perfectly good day when there is always a different choice or response we can choose.

Some of the best comedians in our culture have come out of sad and depressing childhoods. A few examples are Robin Williams, Richard Pryor, Jim Carrey, Tyler Perry and a host of others. Obviously they developed a sense of humor as a survival instinct and were able to turn it into a career but the odds of that happening for most of us is very slim. However if you came from a family that told jokes or funny stories you have some experience. Or if you read the comics, watched cartoons or saw funny movies as a child you were also turning to humor for a reason.

Research has been done on people with various health problems to show how humor can address them in a non invasive way and naturally remove some of the anxiety or depression that accompanies a serious medical situation. With new technology there are websites devoted to the use of humor as a healing factor. Following is an article that explains one professional's dedication to that theory.